What has been of me

sometimes i wonder if the roads i've choosen for my life were and are the right ones. there was a time when i had no doubts about what i wanted in life, what i was going to do with it, the path i was taken. but that planning and confidence only got so far. there was a huge hole in between some stages of my planing that i never filled, and when the time came to live through them, i got totally lost. so much, than it got me to a moment when i knew nothing for certain, when everything was unsure, when even the person i had become was a stranger to me.

it's been hard to get over it. i made more plans that filled the holes, i took some choices to get me on those roads, and i commited myself to fulfill those dreams.

but i don't have the same blind security in my decision. i still have doubts. what if this is not what i'm mean to do with my life? what if the habilities i'm developing are not the gifts life gave me to develop in this life? what if i made the wrong choice... and ruined my life?

i'm still having doubts. but i can't let them stop me, now can I? if i'm good at something, is to trough myself without thinking twice. it might not be the most rational thing to do, but if i can't trust my reasoning, let's trust life, shall we?

i'm not scared now, though. i've some sort of calmness that makes me thing a little bit more clearly. the fog the clouded my mind is gone, thanks to my week vacation, the time i took to take my mind off everything. it worked, so now i'm kinda better. i'm not as hyper than before, but i'm not as insecure neither. and... more mature? calm, colected, but firm and determined.

i'm no way healed from everything that's happened. i'm in no way as complete and whole as before, when i entered college. but i'm not a wreck either. that's gotta count for something, right?

i only hope this time i make the right choices...


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