i'm most certainly aware that my system isn't functioning the way it should. i can't work, can't think. can't keep my eyes open for more than 10 hours, and during that time, i'm still deadly tired. oh, and don't forget... i simply have no motivation at all.
i used to be the hyper on the group. the one who motivated everyone into doing anything and everything. the one that actually did everything and anything. i could be tired, by i still did whatever i had or wanted to do. and with a smile, no less. now, that spirit seems to be gone... and I simply don't know why.
oh, don't worry, i have my theories, this isn't just something that came out of the blue. it has a reason, or at least i think it has. may be it's disappointment. it surely has something to do with my non-stop mania, the reason why i only had 3 weeks of vacation in summer break... out of 3 months. i think... it also has to do with disillusionment. but i also believe that there is something about myself, just myself, that's affecting me. but i can't put my fingers on it! i can't figure it out... it frustrates me to no end.
i REALLY need to work this out... or i might seriously colapse one of this days...
for now, i've make my choices. and everyone else will have to accept them, either they like it or not. there is no objections to them. there is nothing anyone can say to make up my mind. i'm dead set. end of story.
so... endure me while i'm working everything out...
wish me luck
• .•. δαγιαλ .•. • ∫
... † Παŋα Иσ Zγσμσμ .•.•‡ •
1 comentario:
veía que tus últimas dos entradas son "negativas". en ambas ves causas de tus problemas en tí misma. o eres antipática, o hay algo intrínseco que te desmotiva. por un lado, no creo que seas un humo negro, y por otro, no creo que tengas algo intrínsecamente mal.
no creo que sea un exceso de autocrítica, pero si lo es, deténlo. has hecho tanto, y bien, que no tiene lógica que te autodestruyas. primero estás tú, y es preferible que responsablemente busques las causas de tus problemas actuales antes que un día explotes y quedes metafóricamente inválida, quemada. aunque suene a cosa posmoderna, busca tu centro, vuelve al equilibrio...si ese equilibrio está en dejar esa hiperactividad de antaño, házlo. no busques contradicciones ni nudos donde simplemente hay decisiones y sus respectivas consecuencias.
además, no te olvides que hay gente ahí contigo. no para sentir por tí, no para vivir por tí, pero para todo lo demás sí. no usaré el cliché de que entiendo lo que sientes, porque por mucho que lo entienda no lo siento como tal porque no soy tú (yo y mi maldito ultraindividualismo filosófico chanta xD). pero para una sonrisa, un abrazo de verdad, una tarde con una taza de té o un karaoke improvisado, puedes contar con moi (:
te quiere, ricky (como solían decirme).
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